Looking Back

What seems like a lifetime ago, I had a blog on Xanga. I found an entry I wrote on October 30, 2006. It was about the most terrifying thing that ever happened to our family. But looking back.. was this the precursor to Jaxson's type 1 diagnosis?

Monday October 30, 2006

We were on our way home from shopping last night when we noticed something wasn't right with Jaxson. He was staring blankly at Shelby and wouldn't respond to anyone. His limbs were limp. When his eyes started to roll back into his head we headed straight up the ER. As we pulled into the ER parking lot he started to drool heavily and then vomited. The van hadn't even stopped and my feet hit the ground running as Troy ripped him from the car seat. Within minutes, he was surrounded by ER staff: Checking vitals, drawing blood, administering oxygen and chest x-rays. They also gave him tylenol and ibuprofen for a 102° fever. While all this was happening, many people were praying.. myself included.

All the test came back normal, so I'm left to assume that it is something viral. The doctor said Jaxson had what is called a Febrile Convulsion: caused from a sudden spike in temp. We're taking him to his doctor tomorrow and keeping a close eye on his temp. The ER doc wasn't all that encouraging when he told me this could happen up until he is 2 years old.

All I know is that I've never been so scared in my entire life. I've never seen my girls so frantic, yet calm when they needed to be. I want to cry when I picture the tears in my husbands eyes at the uncertainty of his sons' well-being.

It's interesting to me how we never imagined Jaxson in our lives. After last night, none of us can imagine our lives without him.

Jaxson at the zoo.. just days before his ER visit.

Bedtime Conversation

Bedtime is one of my favorite times I get to spend with Jaxson. We have some interesting conversations. Some make me laugh, and some make me weep. Tonight, he did both.

Jaxson: Is all my blood going to go away?

Me: Jax, you have plenty of blood. We only need a drop whenever we check it.

Jaxson: I don't want my blood checked any more. (crying now) I don't want to have diabetes any more mom, and nobody is doing anything to make it go away!

Me: Jaxson, a lot of people are working very hard to make it go away.

Jaxson: Like who?

Me: Scientist...

Jaxson: With what? Medicine?

Me: Yes, or a transplant.

silence...

Jaxson: My tummy hurts (trying for the 4th time to convince me he needs another snack).

Me: Say that without smiling...

Jaxson giggling now: My tummy hurts?

Good night buddy. <3

A Sad Day

My head is spinning, and even though Jaxson has a good steady number, I hesitate to lay my head down to sleep. It seems that just when I start thinking this can't happen to us, I'm bolted back to the reality of this awful disease! 

Tonight, 5 families are grieving. Grieving because they have lost precious loved ones to Type 1 Diabetes: A 16 year old boy, a 24 year old girl, a 27 year old mother of 2, a 9 year old girl who took her own life, succumbing to depression, and an 18 month old baby who was misdiagnosed. My heart aches for them all. I don't know their names or faces, but when this kind of news starts making its way around the DOC, I hear my sons name and I see his face. 

Dedicated to all of those who have lost the fight...

and to all of us who won't quit until we find a cure..

Best Day Ever

It's been a busy day here at my house. My oldest daughter Andi and the grandbabies came to spend the day. I had decided to let Jaxson stay home from school since we rarely get to hang out with them, plus he and little "O" (my grandson) play pretty well together.

Doll (my granddaughter), little "O" and Jaxson played while Andi and I visited, taking the periodic break to potty train O and check Jaxson's bg. (Jaxson had great numbers yesterday and I was really hoping for more of the same today). O (who is 2) showed quite the curiosity over Jaxson's finger pokes and insulin injections today. Every time Jaxson came to me with his finger extended, O would follow suit. It's moments like that when I can't decide if that was cute or sad. He really looks up to his uncle Jax and wants to be doing everything he is doing, but I assured him he did not want his finger poked.

Jaxson's numbers were less than desirable today... the closest to in-range we got was 190. Bedtime.. 389/negative ketones. I gave a correction and got him ready for bed. He sobbed the entire time. My heart was breaking becasue once again, there's nothing I can do to take away his pain.

Soon he started to settle down, and just before drifting off to sleep he said, "Mom, today was the BEST day ever!" I leaned down to kiss his forehead and as the tears crept forward I realized just how amazing my boy is that through all of his pain, anger and frustration with D, he can look beyond that and see the bigger picture. I have a feeling I'm going to learn a lot from my sweet boy.

...and a child shall lead them.

Blog Changes: Take a Peek!

It has been a challenge trying to find the right look and feel for the D-Tour here, but I think I've finally landed on something I like and can live with.

I used Picnik to make my header and button. My daughter Payton made my button in the sidebar. She is quite talented.  Be sure to take it with you before you leave. :)

I especially am pleased with my header (and love my boy in red!) The pictures of him on either side are before his dx and the one in the middle is the most recent and of course, after dx. I gave all the photos a gritty/grungy feel.

I picked up my background from Dotty dot dot. It's nearly perfect for the look and feel I was going for.

I will be doing some fine-tuning here and there, but for the most part I am done. I am one of those people who like to change things often, but I'm gonna roll with this.