"What I Am"

Jaxson likes to spend time on Sesame Street's website. When I entered the room tonight, I found him jammin' and singing along to this tune. It's Will.i.am with Elmo, Big Bird and a few others. If you haven't heard it, it's quite catchy. A pretty descent message to. I <3 my boy, and this is way better for him to listen to than "Take it off" by Ke$ha (the pitfalls of having 2 teenage sisters in the house.)

Weekly Sugar Bolus

Head on over to FeltFinland and enter this weeks Sugar Bolus for a chance to win some great prizes!

Changing Things Up

Well, I've been sick for the past 4 days and I'm beginning to think I may have walking pneumonia. My voice is completely gone, which is the most frustrating by far! I'll see a doctor next week (unless I can get in sooner) to find out for sure. Until then, I'm finding myself a bit bored so I thought I'd play around with redecorating/reorganizing my blog.

We had freezing rain tonight, which in turn canceled the girls' Christmas program. They have a friend over tonight and they were all delighted to hear that there is a 2 hour late start tomorrow morning. I guess there is no stopping them from staying up to watch movies... and I can't yell at them, so they win. :)

So for now, pay no attention to all the changes going on here. With a little luck, I'll finally settle on something I can live with long term.

Gentle Reminders

Thank you Lora, for reminding me to pray.

Thank you Reyna, for reminding me not to be so hard on myself and that I do indeed already have God.

Thank you Wendy, for reminding me to look for the blessings in everything.

Thank you Amy, for reminding me to see the bigger picture and realizing that I am not alone.

I don't get this kind of positive, encouraging feedback here and honestly don't know what I'd do without you D Mama's. I'm vowing to put forth that same kind of positive energy in my future blog entries.

Letting God

Once upon a time I had a strong Christian faith. I was taught to not allow my circumstances define me. I learned to "let go and let God", especially when it came to the well being of my children.

D has changed all of that.

Diabetes completely defines my life now. No matter how hard I try to make other things the focus, it always comes back to D. I hate that D has so much power in my life now and I really don't know how to hand this one over to God.

How do I "let God" when I think about checking Jax blood sugar every 2 hours during the day?

How do I "let God" when the carbs in every meal must be precisely calculated?

How do I "let God" when I am forever chasing the evasive within range glucose numbers?

How do I "let God" when every time I lay down to sleep, all I think about is if Jax blood sugars will hold steady through the night?

How do I "let God" watch over my boy while he sleeps when I fear finding him unconscious, or worse?

How do I "let God" knowing that my son cannot survive without insulin?

My faith has certainly weakened since D came along and I don't know how to let this one go.