And so the story goes..

Lots of thoughts cluttering my mind today and need to get it out.

One thing I neglected to mention in previous entries is that I had life changing surgery in June '12. I had gastric bypass surgery. My weight had gotten out of control and I needed to make a change.. not only for myself, but for my family as well. I watched what obesity did to my mother and grandmother and was ready to stop the cycle. Surgery was successful, but 2 weeks later, things took a turn for the worse. That's when I learned of my ex-husbands affair. It's been a while, and revisiting these memories are painful. I just want to get it all out as I work on moving forward.

We separated, and I moved out along with Jaxson. Post surgery, I was to be taking very good care of my nutrition and supplementation. Needless to say, it was impossible to do with the emotional state I was in.  I ended up dehydrated and deficient on important vitamins and nutrients. By the time September rolled around, I landed in the hospital for about a month. Then transferred to a nursing facility for a few weeks to learn to walk independently again. I had lost a significant amount of weight and muscle during my hospital stay. Also, Jaxson ended up in DKA and hospitalized while he was with his dad. The pump was malfunctioning. Now he is on injections again.. and missing his pump.

I filed for divorce in October, upon leaving the nursing facility...

Okay.. I have to stop for now, but will continue with this later. *sigh*

Single Mom to a T1D

I've been missing from here for quite some time. A lot of changes in mine and Jaxson's lives. Last summer I learned of my husbands affair. I ended up pretty sick and spent a good month in the hospital. After learning of his affair, we separated... then I went into the hospital.. once I was out I filed for divorce. It's been hard on Jaxson, but I'm working on making it a positive experience for him. I love him so much and hate to see him hurt, but staying married to his dad would be much worse for him. I have a positive outlook on my new found freedom, but I do hope to find love with someone special one day. I'll post about my illness in another entry, but just wanted to get word out that I'm back. I've missed connecting with my D folks :)

A Tough Life

Does Diabetes equal a tough life?  The following is a conversation with Jaxson on the way to school this morning:


Jaxson: Mom, my teacher read my Rufus book to my class today.
Me: That's so cool Jax! Did your friends have lots of questions about diabetes and your Rufus bear?
Jaxson: Yes. Ms. W said I have a tough life.
Me: (after a moment of contemplation) Do you think you have a tough life??
Jaxson: My pancreas doesn't work. I just want it to start working again and I'm tired of checking my blood sugar all the time. Will there be a cure soon, Mom?
Me: It's getting closer and closer every day. 


It would have been so nice to have been present for this moment in Jaxson's classroom. I'd make sure they knew that while controlling diabetes is a lot of hard work, it certainly does not equal a "tough life". The last thing I want is for his classmates and teachers feeling sorry for him. He wants so much to be treated like a normal boy, and I work hard making sure he knows that he is! 


If there's anything tough about Jaxson's life with T1D, it would be the part where we try to correct the misinformation and misconceptions that people have about those living with T1D. 

Long Time, No Me

I've been missing from the DOC scene for quite some time. Between flood, moving, new schools, new nurses, new job, foreclosure, moving again, another new school, another new nurse all the while managing highs, lows ER visits and everything in between I simply haven't had the time I'd like to devote to blogging here. I do feel that I've become disconnected, but have hopes that that will only be temporary. Some how, some way. everything should fall into place... right?


So as if I'm not bogged down enough, I've started organizing Team Jaxson for this year's JDRF Walk. We've participated before, but never headed up our own team. I feel like I have no idea what I'm doing so I'm taking to my blog to ask for your knowledge, expertise and advise. Any suggestions on obtaining sponsors, creating and purchasing shirts and anything else you feel I may be missing. 


I know I've been MIA, but I would be very grateful for your help. 

Just Breathe

::BREATHE::
 

I have to keep reminding myself to do just that. Yesterday was the first day of Kindergarten for Jaxson. 

New school. New teachers. New nurse. Newly pumping.

It can't get any newer than this.
 

::BREATHE::
 

I feel like I'm walking a tightrope. The panic I feel in my chest just won't subside. I feel like I'm being rushed... forced to conform... 

I'M NOT READY!!! 

::BREATHE:: 

The new teacher is scared... perhaps annoyed that I've requested her check Jaxson's blood sugar when she suspects he may be low. 

Her eyes widened at the very thought.. I may have even detected a bit of disgust in her wrinkled nose.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE!??! My son is NOT a DISEASE!!

::BREATHE::

I would give anything to have Jaxson back at his old school.

Where I didn't have to worry about how well he was being taken care of.

I've taken much for granted... didn't realize how good we really had it.

But here we are.

New home. New city. New schools. New surroundings. New people.

Our old way of life is a thing of the past.

::BREATHE::

Give me patience.

Give me compassion.

Give me understanding.

Give me wisdom.

Give me peace of mind.

and remember...

::BREATHE::