Once upon a time I had a strong Christian faith. I was taught to not allow my circumstances define me. I learned to "let go and let God", especially when it came to the well being of my children.
D has changed all of that.
Diabetes completely defines my life now. No matter how hard I try to make other things the focus, it always comes back to D. I hate that D has so much power in my life now and I really don't know how to hand this one over to God.
How do I "let God" when I think about checking Jax blood sugar every 2 hours during the day?
How do I "let God" when the carbs in every meal must be precisely calculated?
How do I "let God" when I am forever chasing the evasive within range glucose numbers?
How do I "let God" when every time I lay down to sleep, all I think about is if Jax blood sugars will hold steady through the night?
How do I "let God" watch over my boy while he sleeps when I fear finding him unconscious, or worse?
How do I "let God" knowing that my son cannot survive without insulin?
My faith has certainly weakened since D came along and I don't know how to let this one go.