Just Breathe

::BREATHE::
 

I have to keep reminding myself to do just that. Yesterday was the first day of Kindergarten for Jaxson. 

New school. New teachers. New nurse. Newly pumping.

It can't get any newer than this.
 

::BREATHE::
 

I feel like I'm walking a tightrope. The panic I feel in my chest just won't subside. I feel like I'm being rushed... forced to conform... 

I'M NOT READY!!! 

::BREATHE:: 

The new teacher is scared... perhaps annoyed that I've requested her check Jaxson's blood sugar when she suspects he may be low. 

Her eyes widened at the very thought.. I may have even detected a bit of disgust in her wrinkled nose.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE!??! My son is NOT a DISEASE!!

::BREATHE::

I would give anything to have Jaxson back at his old school.

Where I didn't have to worry about how well he was being taken care of.

I've taken much for granted... didn't realize how good we really had it.

But here we are.

New home. New city. New schools. New surroundings. New people.

Our old way of life is a thing of the past.

::BREATHE::

Give me patience.

Give me compassion.

Give me understanding.

Give me wisdom.

Give me peace of mind.

and remember...

::BREATHE::

Mile Marker - 1 Year

Amidst the impending Missouri River flooding, relocating, and draining our bank account we have not forgotten where we were 1 year ago today. It's hard to gather my thoughts about this milestone with all the chaos that we are surrounded with. I'm at a real loss as to how one should celebrate a diaversary and not sure how to mark the occasion. 

We could mark it with our house waiting to be devoured by flood waters.

We could mark it by having the Animas Ping sitting here on my desk waiting for a quieter time to start our 5 day training so Jaxson can start pumping.

We could mark it by having moved to a place that is so opposite of what we are accustomed to.

But I think I will reflect and be thankful for finding the DOC all the good that has come from his diagnosis.

Dam Water Problems | A Satirical Take on the Missouri River Flooding.

Dam Water Problems | A Satirical Take on the Missouri River Flooding.

Mighty Mo Taking Center Stage

I know I've been terrible about updating, but I kid you not... in my life, when it rains, it pours!

Inundation map pointing out Missouri Valley, IA.

My thoughts are scattered tonight as I attempt to reach out to my DOC for their thoughts and prayers. We are being forced out of our homes because of an impending flood headed our way early next week. Our home is estimated to be sitting in 6-8 feet of water by Wednesday. We have been packing up everything we own and have accumulated over the past 17 years for the last 3 days. Rounding up boxes, storage units and people with trucks, trailers and muscle. A home for our Sheltie. Doesn't sound too complicated, except the majority of our city is trying to do the same thing. Consider yourself one of the lucky ones if you were able to secure a U-Haul or storage facility. I've never seen this town so busy, but officials are calling this flood "historical".

Key to Inundation map

I don't anticipate we will be back. We're being told that once the flood waters are here, they won't be receding until late this year.

To distract Jaxson, I've told him we're going on an adventure after he inquired about all the packing and moving going on. He's asked me for 3 days straight now if we can leave for our adventure yet.

No Jaxson, but soon. We have to get all our stuff out of here first and put it somewhere safe.

I just remembered that Jaxson's 1 year Diaversary is on the 15th. His pump was approved by insurance and we were suppose to pick it up this week and start our training, but now just doesn't seem like a good time... I mean, with the Missouri River flooding and all, ya know?

My girls are sad to leave their childhood home. We've had a few moments where we've just cried together. We don't know where we're going to go yet, so that's a little scary too.

But I'm grateful.

Grateful for the angels who came to help and took over when I was just too overwhelmed to direct traffic and give instructions.

Grateful that we have time to prepare for impending doom and gather precious family photos and mementos that may otherwise be lost forever.

Grateful for the good in people that disaster brings out.

I know at some point I will have to unplug my computer, so I don't know when I'll be back to update. I do have a smartphone, so if I can find a way to update with that I will.

Until then, I'm grateful for your thoughts, well wishes and prayers.

Pumping Soon and Some Other Stuff

Events in my life seem to happen faster than I can get a chance to blog about them. Now.. where to start??

CAMP
We made it to camp last weekend. Jaxson had a blast. He rode a horse for the first time in his life (and I'm sad because I didn't get to witness it or get pictures), did some artsy/crafty kind of stuff and made some new friends. I, on the other hand, didn't have that much fun. The speakers were great, but for me it was information that I already knew and sitting for 2 1/2 hours at a time was agony. It's a beautiful camp, well-staffed and organized and Jaxson will surely be attending in the future when he is old enough. I'm thankful the for the opportunity to experience Camp Hertko Hollow.

PUMP CLASS
We had our first pump class on Wednesday night. I've been pretty excited about pumping and I was happy to see Jaxson so enthusiastic about putting in an inset. And as the other kids around the room shared how they hated needles, Jaxson proclaims how much he likes them! Umm.. okay?? Personally, I think he was just excited and loves to talk if anyone will hear him. He has however, always been compliant about needles and injections with little to no complaining, so... YAY! My son likes needles... I guess?

So first thing this morning I was on the phone with our insurance company to check on coverage and also called the Animas Rep to schedule a visit and get our paperwork started. He's coming tomorrow evening.

Is it weird that I'm so excited about this?

And yes, after much studying and comparison, we have decided to go with Animas. I've been trolling blogs in the DOC for weeks and I appreciate you all for taking the time to share your pump experience.

GRADUATION PREPARATION
So in the midst of all this, we still have a graduation party to plan for. We've rented a cabin at a lake and we're planning on having a wiener roast and all the stuff that goes along with it. Invitations must go out early next week as graduation is May 15th. I don't even think it's set in yet that I'm about to have another one finished with school and going to college in the Fall.

That's a wrap for now. Goodnight DOC and sweet dreams <3

Dusting off the Cobwebs

I've been MIA for quite some time. Amy pointed out that my blog was getting a bit dusty, so it sounded like a good idea to at least update.

Nothing extra-ordinary has really happened since my last post. I think we've just been finally settling into our D-life. It doesn't seem to be dominating our every day lives as it did in the beginning. I mean.. it's still there of course, every minute of every day, but we seem to be finally letting go a bit and actually getting back to the business of living... ya know?

We have our first pump class next Wednesday, which we are all very excited about. Still haven't quite decided between Animas or Medtronic.

Jaxson, his dad and myself are going to a family weekend at Camp Hertko Hollow. We were given a scholarship from a local Lions Club to go and feel very grateful and blessed. Jaxson is so excited and he's counting down the days! I'm excited for him too, but it's one of those times that I wish there were 2 of me. My girls are going to prom this weekend and I won't be here to see them or help them get all dolled up. I've asked my oldest, married daughter to play mom while I'm away. She's been instructed to tell them to take LOTS of pictures and the other 2 have been told to go directly home the next morning (I have neighbors watching).

Jaxson with his big sister Andi.

I'm also preparing for Shelby's High School graduation in May and finalizing her stuff for college.

Payton has turned into a peacock. I don't know what color her hair will be from one day to the next. I was actually diggin' the fuchsia hair though... until she made it purple 2 weeks later.

Shelby, Andi, Payton. My girlies.

On top of all that, I've also re-enrolled in school to finish my medical transcription course. I try to spend at least 5 hours a day on my work.

I am THE worlds worst multi-tasker, but I also work well under pressure. Unfortunately, the D-Tour here has been put on the back burner. I hope you all haven't forgotten me. I still follow the DOC and keep up-to-date as much as I possibly can. Please know you are all never far from my thoughts. I will try and be more diligent in posting. I'll be back to share about camp and prom early next week!

ATTN: DOC Opinions on Testing Test Strips

When Jaxson was first diagnosed we were instructed to test the first strip out of each new bottle of test strips. We currently do this, but I'm wondering how many PWD or CWD use this practice?

There have been a few times that we simply could not get a strip to test within range, however LifeScan did replace those bottles. Also, the shelf life of control solution is so short and I wasn't even sure where to purchase more.

I ask simply because it seems like such a waste.. an expensive waste. Currently all of our D-supplies are covered between our primary insurance and Medicaid, however come June we won't qualify for Medicaid any longer and I'm anticipating the expense of wasting strips. (I have a question about secondary insurance, but I'll save that for another post.)

So DOC... do you test test strips.. regularly or occasionally? Do you do back to back meter tests to check for accuracy? I would love to hear your opinions. :)

Looking Back

What seems like a lifetime ago, I had a blog on Xanga. I found an entry I wrote on October 30, 2006. It was about the most terrifying thing that ever happened to our family. But looking back.. was this the precursor to Jaxson's type 1 diagnosis?

Monday October 30, 2006

We were on our way home from shopping last night when we noticed something wasn't right with Jaxson. He was staring blankly at Shelby and wouldn't respond to anyone. His limbs were limp. When his eyes started to roll back into his head we headed straight up the ER. As we pulled into the ER parking lot he started to drool heavily and then vomited. The van hadn't even stopped and my feet hit the ground running as Troy ripped him from the car seat. Within minutes, he was surrounded by ER staff: Checking vitals, drawing blood, administering oxygen and chest x-rays. They also gave him tylenol and ibuprofen for a 102° fever. While all this was happening, many people were praying.. myself included.

All the test came back normal, so I'm left to assume that it is something viral. The doctor said Jaxson had what is called a Febrile Convulsion: caused from a sudden spike in temp. We're taking him to his doctor tomorrow and keeping a close eye on his temp. The ER doc wasn't all that encouraging when he told me this could happen up until he is 2 years old.

All I know is that I've never been so scared in my entire life. I've never seen my girls so frantic, yet calm when they needed to be. I want to cry when I picture the tears in my husbands eyes at the uncertainty of his sons' well-being.

It's interesting to me how we never imagined Jaxson in our lives. After last night, none of us can imagine our lives without him.

Jaxson at the zoo.. just days before his ER visit.

Bedtime Conversation

Bedtime is one of my favorite times I get to spend with Jaxson. We have some interesting conversations. Some make me laugh, and some make me weep. Tonight, he did both.

Jaxson: Is all my blood going to go away?

Me: Jax, you have plenty of blood. We only need a drop whenever we check it.

Jaxson: I don't want my blood checked any more. (crying now) I don't want to have diabetes any more mom, and nobody is doing anything to make it go away!

Me: Jaxson, a lot of people are working very hard to make it go away.

Jaxson: Like who?

Me: Scientist...

Jaxson: With what? Medicine?

Me: Yes, or a transplant.

silence...

Jaxson: My tummy hurts (trying for the 4th time to convince me he needs another snack).

Me: Say that without smiling...

Jaxson giggling now: My tummy hurts?

Good night buddy. <3

A Sad Day

My head is spinning, and even though Jaxson has a good steady number, I hesitate to lay my head down to sleep. It seems that just when I start thinking this can't happen to us, I'm bolted back to the reality of this awful disease! 

Tonight, 5 families are grieving. Grieving because they have lost precious loved ones to Type 1 Diabetes: A 16 year old boy, a 24 year old girl, a 27 year old mother of 2, a 9 year old girl who took her own life, succumbing to depression, and an 18 month old baby who was misdiagnosed. My heart aches for them all. I don't know their names or faces, but when this kind of news starts making its way around the DOC, I hear my sons name and I see his face. 

Dedicated to all of those who have lost the fight...

and to all of us who won't quit until we find a cure..

Best Day Ever

It's been a busy day here at my house. My oldest daughter Andi and the grandbabies came to spend the day. I had decided to let Jaxson stay home from school since we rarely get to hang out with them, plus he and little "O" (my grandson) play pretty well together.

Doll (my granddaughter), little "O" and Jaxson played while Andi and I visited, taking the periodic break to potty train O and check Jaxson's bg. (Jaxson had great numbers yesterday and I was really hoping for more of the same today). O (who is 2) showed quite the curiosity over Jaxson's finger pokes and insulin injections today. Every time Jaxson came to me with his finger extended, O would follow suit. It's moments like that when I can't decide if that was cute or sad. He really looks up to his uncle Jax and wants to be doing everything he is doing, but I assured him he did not want his finger poked.

Jaxson's numbers were less than desirable today... the closest to in-range we got was 190. Bedtime.. 389/negative ketones. I gave a correction and got him ready for bed. He sobbed the entire time. My heart was breaking becasue once again, there's nothing I can do to take away his pain.

Soon he started to settle down, and just before drifting off to sleep he said, "Mom, today was the BEST day ever!" I leaned down to kiss his forehead and as the tears crept forward I realized just how amazing my boy is that through all of his pain, anger and frustration with D, he can look beyond that and see the bigger picture. I have a feeling I'm going to learn a lot from my sweet boy.

...and a child shall lead them.

Blog Changes: Take a Peek!

It has been a challenge trying to find the right look and feel for the D-Tour here, but I think I've finally landed on something I like and can live with.

I used Picnik to make my header and button. My daughter Payton made my button in the sidebar. She is quite talented.  Be sure to take it with you before you leave. :)

I especially am pleased with my header (and love my boy in red!) The pictures of him on either side are before his dx and the one in the middle is the most recent and of course, after dx. I gave all the photos a gritty/grungy feel.

I picked up my background from Dotty dot dot. It's nearly perfect for the look and feel I was going for.

I will be doing some fine-tuning here and there, but for the most part I am done. I am one of those people who like to change things often, but I'm gonna roll with this.

Weekly Sugar Bolus

Head on over to Autoimmune Island and check out her first Sugar Bolus! She's offing some way cool prizes!

Well? What are you waiting for? Click the link and enter to win! :)

Is the Honeymoon over?

At first I thought it was the insulin pen, but I seem to be using it according to directions. Could the Honeymoon be over? Jaxson's BG has been consistently high after meals and before bedtime... as if the insulin isn't effecting him at all. Obviously adjustments need to be made across the board.

D Mama's and Papa's: How will I know when the Honeymoon is over??

P.S. Pardon the mess here as I'm once again in the middle of remodeling. :)

Humalog Kwikpen: FRUSTRATED!

At Jaxson's Endo appointment 2 weeks ago we were given samples of the Humalog Kwikpen to start using. I kept one and sent the other off to be used at school. I seem to be having nothing but problems with our pen. With every injection it seems as if I've given him nothing and his bg continues to rise. I thought perhaps the initial pen needles were too small. We switched back to dosing him with syringes and his bg fell in line. So we went to the next gauge pen needle thinking this was the problem, but again, his bg is on the rise. In the meantime, the school nurse is getting great numbers with her pen. My only other solution is to toss out the insulin pen and start a new one. Anyone else ever have issues like this?

Preparing for Battle

Oh my! There is so much I want to write about, but since the Ricki Lake and GMA drama from yesterday, I can't really think of much else. I was left feeling inspired and empowered by the DOC with our collective cry to be heard.

I have only been a D Mama since June 2010, but it hasn't taken long to tire from the ignorant comments about my sons DX and care. Amazing how living with type 1 for such a short time can make you so aware of all the misconception around you. I'm ashamed to admit that prior to Jaxson's dx I was one of the misinformed.

Something is happening though.

Something big.

Something wonderful. 

There is a movement beginning... to bring awareness to Type 1 Diabetes... more than ever, and  I want to be a part of it.

Houston We Have a Problem wrote a wonderfully motivating post pointing out the attention diseases like Breast Cancer, Aids, Type 2 Diabetes, Heart Disease and Autism get. I thought, "how true", and then it hit me: All of those diseases have had HUGE campaigns. I mean, Type 1 has walks and such to raise funds toward finding a cure, which is awesome, but has there ever been a campaign? One that stands out and emblazons itself into minds of the public?

A giant wave of momentum hit the DOC yesterday and I say we ride it all the way through.

We all have our own personal stories to tell. Stories of life altering proportions. Stories of courage and determination. Stories of little hero's growing up too fast. Stories of heart break and agony. They heard us yesterday. Let's continue to make them listen.

Christmas Aftermath Bullet Blog

• This blog is being brought to you by the staccato thoughts in my head.
• Try to follow along, and if you're lucky, it'll all make sense.
• 300 test strips do not last an entire month!
• I need to stock up, but they are so expensive.
• Christmas was uneventful this year.
• Kinda happy to see it come to an end.
• My heart just wasn't in it no matter how hard I tried.
• Would any D Moms or D rents care to share how the diagnosis of D affected your relationship/marriage, if at all?
• Going through some difficult times. Email me privately if you'd like.
• Jaxson sees his Endo tomorrow morning. 
• Praying for a decent a1c.
• Last one was real good... 5.1.
• A fluke I'm sure. 
• They're just haven't been any consistent patterns in his bg journal lately.
• Making adjustments to ratios and correction factor is challenging.
• The D Christmas card exchange brightened my holiday!
• If you sent me a card, it's on display in our living room.
• My entire family enjoyed them so much! 
• Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!
• I'm SO far behind on reading your blogs DOC!
• Kiddo's are back in school tomorrow.
• I have hopes to play catch-up starting on Tuesday.
• That's about all I have now.
• Thoughts are beginning to sputter so I better stop.
• Hope you all had a wonderful New Year!